St. Jude House Survivor Advisory Council

My story spans several years and several relationships. Looking back now, I realize I was a people pleaser to my core. I was raised to have empathy for others, but that empathy was taken advantage of by several individuals who viewed it as a weakness. I thought I was strong by staying in these relationships; I thought it was the right thing to do. At times, I even thought it was what God wanted. Now, as a survivor, I want to help others understand that there is strength in standing up for yourself, setting boundaries, and walking away when needed.

I am proud to say that today, I am a survivor, an overcomer, and a cycle breaker. None of this has come without trials or pain. My journey with abuse began when I was too young to remember. I spent years trying to find validation through all the wrong things. My journey involves an encounter with God, who picked me up and cleaned me up not once, not twice, but countless times. Since escaping abuse in 2019, I went from being without a job, facing homelessness, and surviving on benefits to managing the state aide office that once provided aid to me. I will never forget the day I came to St. Jude House. I was completely broken and terrified. I couldn’t even speak. From that point to now, I have had countless opportunities to advocate for other Domestic Abuse survivors. The most beautiful part to me in all of this is that this is just the beginning. I am silenced no more. I am Survivor Strong.

I was married for 21 years, and it was the definition of the cycle of abuse, almost like a textbook. The first instance happened before I even said, “I do.” Now, years later, I forgive him. Read that again. I forgive him. Forgiveness is for ME. A gift for me! I am strong. I am beautiful. I am worthy. I am loved. I am a survivor! Now, it is my time to pay it forward and extend my hand to all the women who, like me, hid in the shadows. Women like I was that cannot speak up. My path now is to use my endless positive outlook, strength, and experiences to pay it forward; to be a voice for those who are not heard, a hand for those who need to be lifted, and arms for those who need support. I want to make the world a little better, one person at a time.

On December 25, 2018, all of my personal belongings were set on fire by my husband of 25 years at the time. I had only the clothes I was wearing, and at that moment, I was no longer afraid to leave. I have not looked back once since that day. I had to sell my childhood farm and walk away from a life I once knew. Fast forward to now, I have my own place and a good job. And most importantly, I have peace in my life. I now advocate for other survivors on their own journey of healing.

As a child, I was physically, mentally, and sexually abused for 12 years by three different men. I was raised in and out of foster homes, and when I would be placed back with my family, it would happen again, only aggressively getting worse. The abuse was so bad, with internal and external injuries, that I was told I would not be able to have children. I do have three beautiful daughters now and defied those odds! As I became an adult, I unfortunately went into the same pattern I saw growing up. I found myself in relationships with abusive men; I told myself that it must be normal to be treated that way, as that is all I saw growing up. I was in an abusive relationship for just over two years until the day he told me that if I didn’t do as he asked, he would kill me, and no one would ever find me. Something clicked at that moment. That day, I left while he was asleep, and I never looked back.

I am a survivor of child abuse, teen dating violence, and later domestic violence at the hands of my then-husband. I attempted to leave numerous times but was fearful of the threats of violence he made towards our three children, family, and me. I finally had enough and took a leap of faith to break free for good in February 2009. Despite the hardship of starting over, as well as the rough healing journey, I am proud of how far I’ve come! I continually advocate for other survivors and supporters of survivors in an effort to help others heal from their own trauma.

As a survivor of childhood trauma, sexual assault, and domestic violence, spanning over 42 years, I advocate for survivors through public speaking, peer support, and volunteer work. I believe my vulnerability and transparency, combined with a timely spiritual awakening, have put me on the path to finding full survivorship in life. I feel gratitude in every facet of my life and embrace my experiences openly to inspire others. My relationship with God guides my journey and continually pushes me closer to truly living my life’s purpose.

I immigrated to the United States and was married for 21 years with five daughters. I enjoyed being a stay-at-home mom, but this put me in a vulnerable position where my husband had control of everything. His abuse increased, and I had no resources to become independent. The day to leave him finally arrived when his aggression turned towards one of my daughters. I asked God for strength and guidance to break the silence. My journey with St. Jude House began on February 28, 2016. They received me with open arms and offered emotional support and the legal guidance I needed to start a new life with my daughters.